&conversation on being a client myself
Question:
have you ever booked an escort for yourself?
Answer: No but i want to.
Thanks for that question. Honestly, I love it. And here’s my answer: no I have not yet booked an escort for myself. Would I? Yes. In fact, the idea of booking a provider for myself has been on my mind for quite some time now. I really would love that a lot and I think it would be a great self-care act to do so. I think it would also be very interesting and insightful to experience the experience from a client's perspective. And just as I touched on the insightfulness of watching porn and letting your imagination run free in my other text, booking a provider for myself would tell me a lot about my desires and needs I believe.
And I have thought about it before. Who would I book? A man? A woman? A traditional companion or somebody who is experienced in kinks or other facets of sexuality that are yet unknown to me? Would it only be a sexual encounter or would I want to do a lot of social activities as well? Would we go on a trip even?
This is a lot of fun to think about. And just pondering on the possible scenarios already gives me glimpses into why this can become addictive. Good addiction. The best kind. Pleasure, indulgence, connection, lust.
Of one thing I am quite sure, I would most likely book a woman. I consider myself bisexual but in the romantic traditional relationship sense, I consider myself heterosexual. I am very much into women and I love having sex with women but I have never been in a romantic relationship with a woman. In a dating sense, I am much more familiar with a man/woman dynamic. Flirting with girls still makes me giggle.
But because I am so at home and comfortable with the man/woman dynamic this is not what I would seek out in a booking for myself. Would I be able to let go and be the client if I booked a male provider? Or would I naturally assume a certain role? Would the male escort put me and my pleasure, wishes and desires first? Would I trust him that he does? Also, and this may sound crass, why pay for a dynamic and experience that is so readily available?
I am not saying there aren’t great male companions out there who provide fantastic experiences. But I would be much more interested in seeing how it would feel to be with a female colleague outside of the regular setup in which we are booked together by a client. It would be fascinating to experience a dynamic for the very first time. No set roles. I don’t know myself in this setup yet. I would be like new, I would be a person I have not met yet. A teenager on a very first date. No familiarities, only firsts! How exciting! How would I be? Who would I become?
Okay, so a woman.
That was not too difficult, now it gets much more tricky. Who would I book? Somebody I personally know? That would mean changing an existing colleague-friend relationship to a client-provider relationship and I think that could be awkward. Maybe I would book one of my many crushes! Girls I have Twitter flirts with, across ponds and continents. Likes and kiss emojis and comments of girly adoration translated into a blushing real-life “Hello”. That would be fun.
We would meet for a glass of afternoon wine on a sunny patio somewhere.
We’d be a bit nervous, giggly, me anyway. We’d chit-chat and laugh and smile and connect. I would get a little more comfortable with time, but never completely. That sweet spot of nervousness when anxiety feels good. We’d go for a walk, summer city life, maybe a park. We would hold hands. Would I take hers or would she take mine? Who would lead? Who would make moves? Would she be bolder than me? I would lean in for the first kiss, of that I am sure. I will always be me, no matter who with. And I have never been good at being patient. I just love pleasure too much. I would want to lay on the grass talk kiss feel the sun smile laugh feel some more kiss more, kiss so much more. Afternoon summer tipsiness and a buzzing cocktail of adrenaline and endorphins running through my blood, hopefully through her’s too.
Maybe I would need to nap.
Excitement tires me almost as much as boredom does. At night we would skip dinner at the sought-after new restaurant I managed to get a reservation at to do Karaoke and eat unhealthy snacks at the bar instead. We would sing too loud, we would drink too insensibly, we would dance too dirty, we would make out. Oh, we would make out. And we would fall into bed in the morning and still we would not sleep.
Sounds like the music video to an EDM song, I know. Some Avicii summer remix of a 90s pop song and that’s exactly how I would want this experience to feel. Wild and free and loud and restless and calm and quiet and peaceful. Maybe all I want in a booking is just someone to run around with for a while and do all things me but in cute company. Is that vain? Selfish? Are bookings ever not? Is that the whole point maybe and isn’t that totally okay? Yes. Yes, I’m pretty certain it is, and that’s what I love about my profession and my colleagues and the people who are smart, aware and self-indulgent enough to seek us out: it’s about pleasure, joy, lust and aliveness and the act of granting yourself these pleasures. It’s about being greedy for life! The opposite of taking it for granted.
I guess I should lead by example then hey? Be greedy for life and gift me pleasure, boldly and radically.